Tonje Langeteig blows a kiss to fans and foes.
Tonje Langeteig always has kisses ready – for fans and haters. (Photo Credit: CC BY/Stalker Management Norway)

If you look good and are willing to spend money, you too can become an Internet singing sensation. Witness Rebecca Black and the much-parodied song “Friday.” Now Tonje Langeteig (aka Helen Lang Teig) is on the scene with her viral hit, “I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife.” The auto-tuned anthem calls into question the collective sanity of the human species as it parodies reality television, a bane to intelligent discourse.

Crappy housewives, undercooked

Filmed at nightclub locations in Tønsberg, Norway, “I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife” foists the blonde-haired, former Dutch reality show star (“Dating in the Dark”) Tonje Langeteig front and center. Time describes her as reminiscent of Ke$ha appearance-wise. Critics argue that even auto-tune can’t hide Langeteig’s lack of vocal range or ability to carry a tune. Once fellow Stalker Management label-mate Little T checks in to prop up Langeteig with what was intended to be a hot rap solo, it’s clear that the goose will never be anything more than undercooked.

People aren’t fussy about their meals

As to whether the message of “I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife” is in the words, it’s there, at least in part. Langeteig introduces herself as a “little pretty girl, trapped inside a grown-up’s body,” so perhaps her musical effort is intended to be a salvo against aging, or the pop culture spittoon that produces such oily gobs as the “Real Housewives” programs.

However, image trumps inner substance here. It would take a well-planned, quality effort to successfully satirize the culture “I Don’t Wanna be a Crappy Housewife” appears to send up. Langeteig confirmed to Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet that that’s what Stalker Management and her manager Jitse Buitink were after:

“It’s like anything else artistic, it is (up for interpretation),” she said. “I have the highest degree of self-irony. I have laughed so much that I almost have incurred neck injury.”

Your recipe to go viral, sans talent

In addition to an attractive appearance and money for studio time, there is a formula for viral music success, writes Popdust. If Helen Lang Teig can follow this recipe as laid down by “Real Housewives of New York” hubby Simon van Kempen (husband of show star Alex McCord), she’ll go as far as our attention spans will carry her.

  1. Denounce the competition. Show some swagger and hit back at critics.
  2. Call in famous people as backup. Kelly Osborne had her dad on “Changes,” so learn to schmooze celebs.
  3. Auto-tune. Smooth out the rough spots, electronically.
  4. Shout your name often in your work. People are fascinated by shiny objects and hypnotized by repetition.
  5. Do not work hard. Go with the glitter and spare the elbow grease, because one’s shiny and the other’s stinky.

‘I Don’t Wanna Be a Crappy Housewife’



“Dating in the Dark” website:


Stalker Management:


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